Things I intend to teach the young Yankees

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Things I intend to teach the young Yankees

Posted by el duque at 10:09 AM

Always check the feet. Shoes are the giveaway to what she’s thinking. If the shoes are caked with mud, and the toes are dirty, well, she just came in from a wet field. You gotta ask yourself, what the hell was she doing in a muddy field? Be careful.

<!–[if !supportLists]–>2.       <!–[endif]–>No peeing in the bushes. I don’t care how bad you have to go. I don’t care how long you’ve held it. I don’t care if the beer is coming out of your ears. Mets pee in bushes. Redsocks pee in the bushes. Yankees find a restroom.

<!–[if !supportLists]–>3.       <!–[endif]–>Don’t get hung up about which one is “the right fork.” The waiter will try to intimidate you by handing you several. Lift them, work them, study them – and select the fork that feels right… for you. You’re the one who’s going to use it. And don’t be one of those pansy-asses who eat pizza with a fork. Pick it up, fold it, and eat it like a man…

What am I missing? So much to tell them, so little time…