Without problems, what would solutions do all day? Sit by the pool? Go clubbing? So let’s pitch in, see if we can provide some problems with solutions:
1. Those NCAA and NFL initiatives to reduce the high incidence of concussions and all life-diminishing head trauma among football players, should be extended to include the wives, child mothers, girlfriends and one-nighters who have their heads bashed in by the football players in their company.
It’s epidemic. A football player of some note — often an extra-large current or former college man — is arrested for brutalizing a woman, unless a football fanatic police officer would otherwise blame the steps she was thrown down.
How better to ensure the aftercare of these victims than to enter them into the head trauma research programs and provide them a cut of legal payouts?
On Tuesday, 6-foot-4, 340-pound Georgia lineman Jonathan Taylor was charged with choking and punching his girlfriend. The police further reported the assault occurred on campus and in a dorm, both now common sites for violence by student-athletes against young women.
In March, Taylor and three Georgia teammates were arrested for on-campus theft.
But such stories have become a dime-a-recruiting-class, haven’t they?
Speaking of cheap, would ESPN exploit such horror stories for irrelevant self-promotion? Shoot, ESPN would barge in on Sunday brunch at the Barge Inn.
At the close of ESPN’s report on Taylor’s arrest — he was subsequently tossed off the team — we learned that “he was the No. 53 prospect in the ESPN 150.”
2. How do you solve a problem like Maria? That’s the von Trapp family’s problem. Let’s work on Mike Francesa.
On Tuesday, Francesa threatened to surpass his previous standards for pompous, imperious conduct when he suddenly dumped a caller, “John,” to conduct his regular session with “Cash,” known to the serfs in the Kingdom of Francesspool as Yankees general manager Brian Cashman.
Cashman’s first words were classy, likely intended to do what Francesa should have done: Cashman apologized to John for his sudden dismissal.
To that, Francesa, as he only he would and could, said, “That’s okay, don’t worry about him.”
Such an arrogant, cold-hearted slap at his listeners — Francesa (dis)regards them all as John — didn’t quite fit his soulful, on-air self-evaluation, last September:
“I’ve always done a classy show. There’s a way people should be treated, and that’s incredibly important to me.”
Yes, there is an important way people should be treated — it’s the way he (mis)treats them, as a matter of self-importance.
So, after all these years of listening to