Honor Slime-Rod day. All fans will be given sterilized needles and choke signs.
Mark Texierra Day. All fans that bring a doctor and or make excuses for themselves, will be admitted for five dollars.
Joe Girardi Boredom Day. Free pillows to all fans, so you may sleep at the stadium.
Clueless Hal Day. All fans will receive Hal Steinbrenner masks and small recorders that play “I am satisfied with this team. We will contend. We have a championship caliber team.”
Junior Gardiner day. One out of four fans will receive a picture of Brett Gardner, since he hits .250 every year. Gardiner will be honored after his first at bat for being the superstar the Yankees try to have you believe he is.
Finally Genius Cashman day. All fans with certificates for proof of high IQ’s will be given a free hotdog, soda and photo of their favorite GM whom is responsible for this mess.